just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
