I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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