Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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