please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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