mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
