Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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