using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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