Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
