Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
