I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
