Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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