I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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