I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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