god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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