I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
