with your own penis?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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