the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
