Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
