You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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