She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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