You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
