I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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