Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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