I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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