I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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