yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
