I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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