Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
