when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
