I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
