Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
