Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
