Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
