Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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