Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
