Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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