Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
