GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
