the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
