Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
