There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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