Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
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See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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