Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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