I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Did I show you my penis last night?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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