Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
