these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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