i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
