I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
