okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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