I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Verdict: uncircumcised.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
