i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
