Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
