You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
