I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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