Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is wine microwaveable?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
