Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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