So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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