one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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