The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
