Please, let me fuck your mom
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
