I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
