Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
