I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
worst night to have a conscience
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
