STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i dont even know how to be here
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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