I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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