Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
