its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
