I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
