3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
