you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
