I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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