I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I want to have your abortion
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish you could order shots online.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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