This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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